So it turns out the Internet loves cats. And it turns out my wife’s collects them like I collect comics. So I’m merging the two to cast my cats as superheroes. You don’t like it? Start your own column. Also, my Superhero Squad all-midget cast was rejected by the powers that be and I needed to come up with another column in a short time.
Leia – She-Hulk
This cat is sweet but also extremely strong, so she’s perfect for She-Hulk
Terra – Squirrel Girl
Terra is my cute, little girl. She’s sweet and kind of reminds me of a squirrel. So… Squirrel Girl.
Luke – Venom
I’ve got issues with this cat. He’s evil. It’s like The Good Son and my wife doesn’t see it. Because of this cat I don’t know what it is like to sleep the full night through, and I’m typically up at 3am (EST) if you want to talk. Also I’m pretty sure he’d eat my brains if I slept hard, so Venom.
Tristan – The Thing
This cat is a monster. He’s sweet and loves to cuddle but is like a clumsy dog. He’s also orange, so the Thing.
Blondie – Emma Frost
This is a prissy cat. She likes to chirp angrily at me when i empty the dishwasher because i upset her beauty sleep. So I’m making her Emma Frost who I can only assume is the most high maintenance mutant in the 616.
Zoso – Gamora
She’s my little hunter. She lives her life using as little energy as possible until an insect comes in the house and then she’s all Kung Fu and kills it, so Gamora.
Rowan – Invisible Woman
This is our latest cat and I’m thinking cats like this are the reason certain people don’t like cats. She’s moody and skittish. Now, that may not sound like Sue Storm, but because of all this we’ve had guests at our house that don’t think this cat exists, so the Invisible Woman.
Rhea – Lady Sif
This is our outdoor cat. She’s a hunter and loves to give me her trophies, so Lady Sif.