616 Interviews – Diamondhead

posted in: 616 Interviews, Comics, Features, Humor | 0

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By Kevin McVicker

This week we are happy to have with us Nova’s strange nemesis, Diamondhead. Why? We made Alex Alonso mad with the Squirrel Girl interview and this is the only person they would send over.

 

Marvel 616 Politics: Thanks for being here today. Should I call you Diamondhead or Diamond Head?

Diamondhead: One word: Diamondhead. Or you can call me Archibald Dyker.

M6P: I’m not calling you that. But are you sure it’s one word?

DH: Dude, it’s my alias, yes.

M6P: But there was a bad guy who went by Diamond Head, correct?

DH: Yeah, totally different guy. He was part of the Maggia.

M6P: Are those the guys who call everyone “Bro”?

DH: I don’t know. Can we talk about my new line of jewelry cleaner?

M6P: No, I thought we were going to have the guy with the diamond mask on his face here today. I’m confused. Does that diamond come off your face?

DH: Again, that’s Diamond Head and I’m Diamondhead. I tripped in front of a diamond laser and turned into a living diamond man.

M6P: That’s not how lasers work.

DH: So you’re a scientist?

M6P: Well, no, but obviously Marv Wolfman isn’t either.

DH: Look, I have a new line of jewelry polisher called Diamondhead Cleaner.

M6P: Diamondhead Cleaner or Diamond Head Cleaner.

DH: One word.

M6P: Diamondheadcleaner?

DH: No, you idiot! Diamondhead Cleaner. Look, its wonderful polish and I use it over my entire body.

M6P: Gross.

DH: Just go out and buy it.

M6P: Or don’t. I’d like to thank Diamondhead or Diamond Head…

DH: One word!

M6P: Idliketothankdiamondhead for coming out today.

DH: Wow, you’re an idiot.

Producer Andy: He’s the best we can get for what we pay him.

DH: How much is that?

PA: Nothing.

M6P: Two more questions: Do you poop diamonds? And can I have some of your poop?

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