616 Interviews – Asbestos Lady
By Kevin McVicker
We’re traveling far back into the vaults to one of the original 616 Interviews conducted back in 1964. This was one of the first interviews weith did with the now deceased classic villain of the original Human Torch and Toro: The Asbestos Lady.
M6P: I’d like to welcome Victoria Murdock, the Asbestos Lady, and thank her for being here with us today.
AL: No problem. *30 seconds of very aggressive coughing*
M6P: Are you okay? Do you need some water?
AL: No, no. Just some allergies. I’ve had them for about five years now. Can’t seem to shake them. *20 seconds of very aggressive coughing* I think that cleared it up. Please, keep going.
M6P: Okay, so recently you’ve decided to try to make a comeback as a supervillain. What prompted that?
AL: I saw that new Human Torch and I just have a strong hatred of people being on fire. It’s unnatural. *2 minutes of very aggressive coughing* Sorry, allergies. So I pulled my asbestos suit out of the back closet and made some upgrades to it, and I’m ready to get back into action.
M6P: So what upgrades did you add?
AL: Well, there is some slight concern with asbestos. Some people think it might make you sick. So I coated the asbestos with lead paint. I also added mercury to specific areas to add increased comfort. *2 and a half minutes of very aggressive coughing*
M6P: Oooookay. Umm… look I know this is the 60’s and communists are supposed to be a bigger threat than chemistry, but… okay… uhhhhh… you know you’re going to die from that suit. And I mean like really soon. Mercury, lead, and asbestos… how you are even here right now. You’re going to die. Like tomorrow.
AL: No I won’t. *5 minutes of a very aggressive coughing*
M6P: See that. And your skin is blistering.
AL: Allergies. *3 minutes of very aggressive coughing*
M6P: Look, there’s this thing called mesothelioma. I’m sure in years to come you won’t be able to watch TV without seeing some stupid commercial about it. But it’s caused from just being around asbestos. And you are wearing a full body suit of asbestos.
AL: Mesothelioma? Is that one of the monsters from Planet X or something? *5 minutes of very aggressive coughing*
M6P: No. It’s just cancer. And you probably already have it.
AL: Aha… but I lined my suit with lead paint to protect me from that. *30 minutes of very aggressive coughing*
M6P: Whoa. How did your lungs not just fly out of your mouth? You need to go to a hospital.
AL: Look *cough* here *cough* nancy *cough* boy *cough* if *cough* I *cough* wanted *cough* your *cough* opinion *cough* I *cough* would *cough* beat *cough* it *cough* out *cough* of *cough* you *cough*.
M6P: Okay. I’m ending this interview so you can go make your final arrangements.
AL: I’m fine. *15 minutes of very aggressive coughing*
*Editor’s Note: Victoria Murdock died minutes after this interview due to what was later determined to be mesothelioma compounded with lead and mercury poisoning. However she was evil, probably a Nazi sympathizer, and her twin brother died years ago, so she won’t really be missed.
*Editor’s Note: Just how old IS Kevin McVicker?