616 Interviews – Banjo
By Kevin McVicker
This week we sat down with a one-off antagonist to Spider-Man: Banjo, the giant mutated ten-year-old man-child. Now in his late twenties, we talk with him about what has happened since he and his brother, Abner, tangled with the webslinger. We’d like to thank our good friend Jason Edwards for helping to set up an interview with a character probably only he remembers.
M6P: Thank you for meeting with us here today, Banjo. Are you okay with “Banjo”?
Banjo: Yup. That’s the name my mom dun give me what’s when I’s born, yew know.
M6P: Okay, Banjo. Well that’s an impressively nice suit you’re wearing. I guess things have been good for you since your encounter with Spider-Man?
Banjo: Oh yeah. Well, this suit here is a Brioni. Only the best for Ole Banjo now.
M6P: Wow, that’s a James Bond suit. So what’s happened since your days battling the web-head and wearing basically rags?
Banjo: Well, yew know my brother, Abner? He terned out ta be makin’ me be stoopid. I got a thick accent, sure, and lewk like the love child of Quasimodo and Sylvester Stallone, but in actuality I’m a borderline genius. Who’d a thunk? Abner with his mental powers just made me a stoopid brute so he could feel better ‘bout his average intellect, yew know. Bit of a Napoleon complex Abner had.
M6P: That’s surprising. So what happened after Abner’s control left you.
Banjo: Well, I went back to school, ‘course. And eventually graduated from Carnegie Mellon University with a masters in Financial Engineering. I coulda got into Standford or Rensselaer but I wanted to stay close to mama.
M6P: Of course.
Banjo: So anyways, I went ta work at a firm on Wall Street ‘round 2004, saw the obvious signs of the pending economic collapse, hedged my bets against the market and became a multi-millionaire in a matter of weeks.
M6P: That’s amazing. I mean considering most people who fight a superhero just keep on living a life of villainy, but you broke the cycle and became richer than most of them.
Banjo: Occasion’ly I still go out and find a bum and beat him up. But yeah, I’m not one of them there arch-types always pickin’ a fight with a superhero.
M6P: Holy crap! You beat up bums for fun?
Banjo: I mean, I do work for Wall Street, yew know. Imma sociopath.
M6P: Wow. Just… wow. I have no idea what to say to that.
Banjo: Wanna go beat up some hobos with me sometime?
M6P: No, no I do not. For many reasons. But thank you for being here today, I guess, and that’s all the time we have for this week’s interview!