616 Interviews – Foggy Nelson
By Jason Edwards
Welcome to 616 Interviews. With us this week is Franklin P. Nelson, attorney at law and Daredevil’s best friend!
616: Thanks for joining us Foggy. I understand you’re 1/5 total of Nelson and Murdock, Nelson, Blake and Murdock, Nelson, and Sharpe, Nelson and Murdock. That’s a lot of “ands”.
Foggy: Do you have any idea how much trouble it is to change signage every few years?
616: Yes, I’ve had to swap letters around on the marquee for an old job of mine. Now, the nickname of ” Foggy” – How’d you come to be named after terrible traffic weather, and are you a fan of John Carpenter?
Foggy: (laugh out loud) Yea, sure! Ghosts of Mars was a decent flick, but not quite Assault on Precinct 13 good. That Species girl is great in all her roles, amiright? The, uh, nickname actually comes from our law school days at Columbia Law. My partner Matt likes to tell people it’s because I used to snore real loud, said I was like a foghorn.
616: “Used to”?
Foggy: Well, I’ve never slept in the same room with another human being other than Matty Boy. Like I said, it was college, and I used to party a lot. And Matt was always complaining about smells and smoke because, you know, hypersenses. Cuz he’s blind, not because he’s a superhero or whatever…
616: I gotcha.
Foggy: Can I ask you a question?
616: You may cross examine the witness.
Foggy:…am I fat?
616: No, Foggy, you’re as beautiful as you were on the day we met. Which was today.
Foggy: Well, I know I’m no bean pole like my buddy, but how would you rate me on a scale of fattitude?
616: I—I don’t know…
Foggy: Like, okay, on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being Ghost from Thunderbolts, and 10 being Volstaag of Asgard…
616: You’re festively plump?
Foggy: Like Santa fat? Or Elvis fat? Or…
616: Okay, fine, you’re a 7. Why can’t we all just be comfortable in our own skin?
Foggy: It’s just…Okay, my best friend in the entire world is blind. Nothing wrong with that, mind you! He’s a darn good lawyer, he’s been with me through thick and thin. A real stand up guy.
Foggy: But, okay, I’m not trying to be a jerk, I’m not. Blind people overcome so many challenges, and the majority are good people, I suspect.
616: Uh, yeah.
Foggy: So why is it – Okay, I’m just putting it out there – why is it Matt gets all the women?
616: It’s not like he’s a playboy like Anthony Stark.
Foggy: While that is true, though, he got to date a ninja. (Emphasizes) A. Ninja.
616: Hrrm. Livin’ the dream, yes?
Foggy: What kinda ninja are you if people know you’re a ninja? And not just any ninja, mind you. Like Troi from Star Trek, only more deadly.
Foggy: I’m not talking bad on his condition, I’m not. It’s just… And Karen Page? Ab-so-lute fox! And I’m over here like, what the heck, man! I lawyer just as good as he can, maybe even better!
616: Maybe they feel sorry for him?
Foggy: Puh-leeze! (Talks in goofy voice) “I’m Matt Murdock! I can dodge bullets while balancing a Cornish game hen on a cane!”
616: Do tell!
Foggy: One time, we were prosecuting a mobster. Tommy Two Teeth. One of his flunkies stood up from the bench and tried to assassinate him!
616: What was the deal with the bird?
Foggy: It was a piece of evidence, germane to the case.
616: Speaking of Jacksons, sounds like you resent being in your “brother’s” shadow.
Foggy: A Greek ninja who can’t be killed! Seriously, how fair is that?!
616: C’mere, let’s hug it out, bro…Hug it out…