616 Interviews

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This week for 616 Interviews I sat down with Galactus. His booming and deep voice only matched by his gigantic stature. We met on the far side of the moon, and as a courtesy I didn’t bring an Ultimate Nullifier. I wanted to get Galactus comfortable to understand who the man was under the giant purple hat.

Marvel 616 Politics: Today we have the privilege of talking to one of the oldest beings in the universe: Galactus. Most of you may know him for constantly attempting to destroy our world by eating it. Thank you for joining us today Mr. Lactus.

Galactus: Please, Mr. Lactus was my father. Just call me Galactus.

M6P: Okay, Galactus, I hope you’re doing well.

G: I’m a little peckish. You didn’t have enough snacks in the green room.

M6P: I’m sorry about that. I want to start today by understanding what it was like to survive the extinction of the previous universe and the creation of our current one?

G: Have you ever seen those COPD commercials with an elephant sitting on peoples’ chests? It was like that but more so.

M6P: Less the physical gravity of the situation, I’m wondering the emotional gravity of losing everything you held dear and loved.

G: I haven’t thought about that in a long time…

M6P: Please, take your time.

G: Well…I had a kitty. I miss her.

M6P: What was your cat’s name, Galactus?

G: It was…I don’t want to say.

M6P: Please, this is a safe space. Go ahead.

G: Its name… her name was Nova.

M6P: Now we’re getting to some truth.

G: She would follow me everywhere and kill small rodents and bring them to me as gifts. I miss her so much.

[Galactus starts to weep at this point]

M6P: I think the real question on everyone’s mind now, Galactus, is do you think this has something to do with your continuing cycle of destroying and eating everything in your path? Maybe that void you’re trying to fill by killing planets and entire populations isn’t being filled by these things. Maybe the unquenchable hunger in your stomach is really just a void in your soul from everything you’ve ever lost.

G: I’ve known for a long time I have an eating disorder. I’ve known, and I just didn’t want to admit it. I really just miss my kitty.

M6P: I’m glad we could get under that giant purple exterior to the truth behind the man today.

G: I don’t even like most of the things I eat. Skrull tastes awful. It’s like a mixture of spam and over cooked okra.

M6P: I want to thank Galactus for joining me today, and hope we’ll see you back here next time on 616 Interviews!