616 Interviews – Blob

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INTERVIEW

By Kevin McVicker

Today we are meeting with the former member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants and former tons o’ fun: The Blob!

Marvel 616 Politics: Thank you for joining us today, Blob. Do you have another name I can call you by since that seems wildly inappropriate?

Blob: My name is Fred Dukes.

M6P: Good. Fred, I’m going to cut right to the chase and ask: Why do you look like an emaciated pug dog?

B: Well, a few years back I lost my powers as did most of the mutants on the Earth, and that’s when I first looked like this.

M6P: So your mutant power was fatness? That’s a little pathetic, right?

B: Big is beautiful. And recently I got my powers back thanks to some MGH, but I lost them again after it wore out.

M6P: So you ‘roided out to get fat? If you want your powers back why not just go eat most meals at a Cinnabun?

B: I have a gluten allergy and my mutant powers gave me Type II Diabetes.

M6P: Have you thought about having plastic surgery to remove the massive yards of excess skin? I would be scared that would I suffocate in my sleep with all those flaps.

B: I’m hoping to eventually get my powers back and if I got the excess removed I would grow more mass than my skin would cover, so…

M6P: I think we get the idea, and that is gross. But, I was told you were here because you had something to plug. What did you want to share with us today?

B: I’m part of a group called FOPOC that is trying to encourage childhood obesity.

M6P: You mean “discourage?”

B: No, It stands for Formerly Obese People for Obese Children. We’re trying to put pressure against Michelle Obama to stop her war against good tasting food. By making these children eat healthy and exercise it is ruining their chances of later in life being cast on a reality TV show.

M6P: I’m not going to let you plug that anymore. I’d like to thank my guest, Fred Dukes aka the Pug, for coming by today, and I hope to see you next time of 616 Interviews!

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